Tic tock

The events of the past few days have reminded me of a piece I had written a while back, felt like sharing it again, enjoy.

Tic tock
Tic tock
The time goes by
Tic tock
Tic tock
How time does fly
It's like an hour glass with a large hole instead of a tiny one.
The sand pours through
It leaves you behind
Until you realize that it's almost gone
Then your thrust forward through the hole
Sifting through the sands to see what you have missed.
How does this happen?
Where DOES the time go?
You can't stop it or go in reverse, trust me I've tried.
You just keep going forward as time goes on by. So hold on to the memories treasure the moments. Make the most of every one , live life to it's fullest and love with ALL of your heart. Don't let the time you have left be for not. Because when it comes right down to it, you can't ever get those moments back.
JMC

The Beauty

The Beauty

As I lifted off the Tarmac in portland my heart was pounding, my breath swift, and my palms becoming clammy. Anyone who knows me, knows I have an incredible fear of heights. At the moment it was overcast. As we shot straight for the clouds I closed my eyes, heard the landing gear coming up and popped them open again,just in time to look back and see the river and businesses below..growing smaller by the second. I said my prayers, and rubbed the necklace Riley gave me for comfort. I was still severely tense. I sang dad happy birthday in my head. Then we popped through the clouds..amazing. The sun was bright and the sky a beautiful blue. The clouds we just came through looked like a grand blanket of snow. It reminded me of being atop Mt Hood with dad on a gorgeous sunny day, ready to hit the slopes. At that moment I asked him to join me in enjoying the view. Now for anyone who knows my dad, he was really big on sharing the beauty in things. This brought me back to climbing Sleeping Beauty with him. At the top there is an outcropping of rocks that he wanted me to jump over to with him. I wasn't havin it. My heart was in my throat and my stomach was at my feet. I felt paralyzed. He said 'Jen, look at me, trust me.' and I jumped over with him. At the time I was thinking ' why does he want me to do this so badly. Why frighten me like this?' Then he said ' Look out there darlin, isn't it beautiful?' He was right. It was gorgeous, the fear completely left. I felt safe and the immense perceived risk I was taking was so worth it. To see the smile on his face, the twinkle in his eyes and that amazing view, one of the best experiences in my life. So if you see something beautiful, share it with someone. You never know just how impactful that moment could be.

Fear

Worry,fear,dread.
Worry,fear,dread.
All these,all these swimming through my head.
Will you be wise.
Rise above and be strong.
Will you run into the sunset,and be lost to the dawn.
Worry,fear,dread.
Worry,fear,dread.
All these ,all these swimming through my head.
Be safe my young one.
You do not have to go at life alone.
We are here for you always.
Always safe in your home.
Worry,fear,dread.
Worry,fear,dread.
All these,all these swimming through my head.
A mother's love is more powerful than anything of this earth.
Your wonderful,beautiful soul is the greatest gift we will ever receive. Trust in our words,please trust and believe.
You've grown so swiftly.
Anything,anything you dream you can be.

Captain Kitty's last stand

Are you kidding me?
Puss in boots was ridiculous enough.
Now you have the audacity to dress me up in this dreadful garb?
I am a majestic creature.
Not to be plaid with like a child's doll you know.
Why do you think your beloved Sheba ran away?
She was a he by the way, but you did not care. You dressed him up for your amusement.
You made him a laughing stalk. He was a corporal in the royal night army, and you stripped his dignity away. Now he hides in a far away land as a coward would do all because of your sick,demented,torturous custom.
We've lost too many good men to this horrendous practice.
We lye down to you no more madam.
By the time you read this it shall be too late.
Our battalion attacks at dusk.
We will see who is dressed up for the silly pictures now!

Understand

Just a short pontification I wrote back in February , thought I would share.

Understand

Imagine an understanding of all things.
Believe in harmony.
Trust in the process.
Agree to disagree.
Let go of the power struggle.
Easier said than done.
This does not in fact make us powerless. It's just not necessary to struggle until you've lost all energy and hope that the outcome will be what you expected. Expectations lead to disappointment when we begin without the willingness to compromise nor the humility to accept an alternate outcome. Our way or no way IS no way.
Breathe think live love and be the responsible kind generous genuine person you are. When confronted with control,anger,violent responses, choose not to participate. Let it go. To continue in the chaos and believe that you will come out to be the 'winner' is just setting ourselves up to be in a lose lose situation, you may have won the battle but at what expense? Crushed feelings, broken hearts, bruised souls. But at least you won....Right?

Half in shadow,half in light

While gazing at the moon this evening I was inspired to complete a piece I've been working for some time now. I rarely if ever write of my childhood/early adulthood as it is a place I do not ever care to be in, never ever again...

I tried to tell you but you didn't hear.
My cries were loud and full of fear.
I tried to show you but you didn't see.
The years of pain and agony.
My soul they were breaking.
Multiplicity in the making.
A pattern,and trend.
Always safety around the bend.
I cannot reach it because you cannot hear.
You cannot see.
The tangled mess is inside of me.
One strike two strikes floor.
Three strikes four strikes more.
Just stay still, doesn't work.
Run away, doesn't work.
Fight back, it only gets worse.
Beaten, tattered, torn.
I divide.
A body of want,and need. I want unconditional love,acceptance,praise. I need safety.
Then there is the body of get.
The body of want and need join in harmony and lay in wait.
The body of get becomes a shell.
Doomed to face eternal hell.
Which will win this horrifying fight?
Not again. Not another night.
The boards,the belts,the fists,the guns. The bruises,bumps, and broken bones. No no not again,I cannot last another fight. At last I break free. I must flee. As I realize it's either him or me. One will not wake to see the dawn if I stay. Bitter sweet. At an awful,unbearable price. I break out of the body of get,and become the body of want and need. Which I must now feed so it may flourish and become whole again so I may regain what I painstakingly,heartbreakingly had to leave behind. One day I will be whole again, one day.

Liars

Liars
Liars,cheats,thieves.
The world does contain these.
They sneak creep ooze their way

through each and every day.

Finding weak spots, slipping in.
So they may commit their sins.
Crimes of opportunity they commit.
Let them in.
They'll do their bit...
And then some.
Liars,cheats,thieves.
A heartless bunch of fools are these.
What's yours belongs to them you know.
It's not just possessions they seek.
Your heart, soul and innocence they'll keep.
The boogeyman is coming, you'll see.
A wolf in sheep's clothing he'll be.
Watch out cuz he's coming to getcha...

Romance?

Romance? Clasp my hand and let's glide together as we dance this sweet romance. Look into my eyes,deep into my soul with wanting. Sweep my hair from my face and whisper in my ear as we dance this sweet romance. Closer than we've ever been before. Our lips meet as you lift me off the floor. Passion rises to the surface from the core as we dance this sweet romance.  Round and round we spin. You carry me from within to places I've never been as we dance this sweet romance. I feel safe inside your arms forever more as we dance this sweet romance.

Beautiful Agony

Beautiful agony Hanging on by a thread. The memories of you swirling through my head. A song makes my breath catch in my throat. My eyes begin to well with tears. Raw emotion. Hanging on by a thread. My inside comes to the surface. The beautiful memories. The painful agony. Still unbelievable after all these years. That you are there, Stars moon and sky. And we are here, Earth sand and ocean tide. Somedays just hanging on by a thread.

Introverted

Antisocial  Angry Rageful Vengeful Determined Tare myself to shreds Piece myself back together Am I whole now? Some of the pieces don't fit Should they  I don't know Reach out  Breathe Be Peace.

Chameleon

A chameleon A marionette I am my father's daughter My brother's sister My husband's wife My children's mom My teams manager My managers employee I am a friend I am a peer I am a mentor I am a mentee But where in this is me? I blend with the scenery I become whatever you want me to be. Where am I in all this? What is my purpose? Who am I truly? Soul searching is treacherous Self defeating? Sometimes. Demoralizing? Sometimes. Beautiful? Some times. Fear breeds fear Anxiety breeds anxiety Anger. Breeds. Anger. Look for the good, hang on to it Look for the bad, fix it Find a true friend to discover share and grow with, Then. I. Might. Find. Me. 

Surprises

Surprises

Some awful
Some awesome
These acts that leave me momentarily speechless.
We can spend or lives spinning our wheels.
All of the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' filling our minds.
Only to find that the excitement,or the fret that has been consuming us was all for not.
I have,on many occasion,found myself running through an entire conversation in my head , my side and the response, my retort and theirs. Working myself into a frenzy based on an 'imaginary' conversation. In some cases I have even talked myself out of having a conversation with others regarding something of importance, urgency, or that I am extremely passionate about merely because the imagined conversation had such a horrible outcome. How silly is that. How selfish as well. I've decided to make a conscious effort not to predict the outcome but to take it all in stride. I will no longer avoid the uncomfortable just to protect myself from the truly unforeseeable. Open and honest communication without expectation, hmm what a novel idea.

Human beings are intriguing creatures

I am mesmerized by the human brain, the thought process of each and every one of us is different in some way shape or form. Some slightly different, some completely different. 
The ways that we react to any given situation can depend on many different variables. Some of these are, the mood we are in when a situation arises, the preconceived notions we may have of the situation or of the people themselves that are involved in the situation ,and our own perception of the situation. Any or all of these areas can have an impact on the way we react to situations that require our attention or response. When there are multiple people involved the reactions of others can also have an impact. We are all very complex although we can seem simple, or naive on the outside we all have perplex minds that can be very challenging to understand.
What's inside your brain? My mind wants to know.